I spend my days in Pink...

I knew you were trouble when you walked in...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:46:17 -0700

It’s been a month since we’ve really become close. Exactly a month since we stayed up until 4 AM playing Catch Phrase while I was freaking out about recruitment. In some ways, it feels like we’ve just always been friends, like there was never a time when he wasn’t such a big part of my life. In other ways, I can’t believe it’s been a month already. Wasn’t it just last weekend he begrudgingly helped us with “cult shit” in reference to the sorority?

I don’t know what to do about anything, though. He was distant last week, so I backed off. Last time this happened to me, my whole world fell apart and I was left to make my way through the rubble alone for eight months. But he explained last night why he was so distant, and it makes a lot more sense now. But now I’m worried about him pulling away. At the same time, I feel myself putting distance between us because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m doing this even though I know that right now what he needs more than anything is to be surrounded by people who care about him. At what point does selflessly helping a friend become self injury?

I’m really scared of falling for him more through all of this and still losing him. I’m scared of this being bigger than any of us realize and having it destroy us both. I honestly can’t lose myself again. I have to be strong. But I’m not sure I can do this.

I knew I was in trouble exactly a month ago. I knew that I wouldn’t be walking away from this the same way I walked in. I underestimated just how much he would come to mean to me. I guess all I can do now is hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Wish me luck.

On my “real life blog” I just reblogged something that really struck me. “Dear...

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 16:05:22 -0700

On my “real life blog” I just reblogged something that really struck me.

“Dear heart, Why him?”

I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately. But now that I think about it, I knew from the beginning of our friendship that this would happen. He’s the new and improved version of what has always been my “type”. He’s funny, smart, charming, he knows everyone. And once he said he was Irish, I knew I couldn’t run from the feelings anymore.

I managed to not text him last night, which I view as an accomplishment. The last thing I need to complicate this situation even more is to be drunk texting him.

Now here I am. Sitting in the library trying to do homework, but I can’t focus. So I’m listening to his favorite band and writing about him.

I can feel the potential here. It’s almost tangible. But I’m scared of making the first move. In the grand scheme of things, he is very quickly becoming one of my closest friends. What would I do if things didn’t work out and then I didn’t have him? And what if it was because I said something about my feelings and made it awkward? I don’t know that I could handle knowing that I wrecked the relationship.

So I guess for right now all I can do is wait and let what is meant to be come about naturally.

Be prepared for more posts. I guarantee that I probably won’t be completely patient during all of this.

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Wed, 03 Oct 2012 07:36:26 -0700

School started, and I decided it was time to quit my double life on Tumblr. But here I am again. I...

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 00:26:31 -0700

School started, and I decided it was time to quit my double life on Tumblr. But here I am again. I felt like I needed a more public forum for my thoughts, but not as public as the Tumblr that all the people I know in real life have access to. So, let’s dive in, shall we?

I’m currently Recruitment Chair of my sorority. Which apparently never made its way onto the pages of our constitution. I swear if I hear one more time about how my position isn’t technically a real one, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Anyways, tons of drama with that. I worked my ass off trying to get girls to join, and I had everyone down my throat the whole time. And the girls we have now don’t even really care. I feel so disappointed in myself. And because of everything that’s happened, there’s a great divide between myself and the vast majority of the sorority. I hate it, but I did what I had to do. If my sisters can’t see that, then I suppose they can just move on without me as a big part of their lives.

I really wanted a little this semester. But it doesn’t look like that’s going to pan out. But, in all honesty, I think I need to spend some more time defining myself in the sisterhood, and spend more time with my Big while it’s just the two of us. (In all honesty, the rest of the family has kind of turned traitor, so I’m only counting my Big and I.) I don’t want to take a little unless I know she’s perfect for us, and I know that none of these girls are the right fit. So I’ll wait it out, so I can make sure I’m the best Big I can possibly be.

Because I realized I couldn’t count on my sisters as much, I had to make friends outside of Greek life. Now I spend a lot of my time with my RA and the boy next door. This didn’t help matters with my sisters, but honestly, I can’t win, so I’m tired of playing their games. I’m spending my time with people who make me happy.

So. The boy next door. He’s kind of one of my best friends right now. He stuck it out through all of the shit I had thrown on me during the two recruitment weeks. And he says he didn’t think I was acting that crazy. I think I’ll keep him around. My roommate and I really like having him around. I fought my feelings for him with everything in me. I figured that at some point he’d do something that would be a deal breaker, and it wouldn’t be an issue anymore. The opposite happened. It got to the point where I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.

I don’t know where this is going. I feel like there’s potential, but we’re not there yet. He kicks me. He pokes me. He scares me. He throws dead bugs on me. He messes up his sentences and says dumb things. He walked me back from a social that we had with a frat on campus. We stayed up super late all weekend just talking about anything and everything.

I don’t know how the future is going to go. All I do know is that I fall harder for him every time I see him. I haven’t felt like this for someone since junior year of high school. Its kind of exciting. I forgot I could feel like this about someone.

So, in short, my sorority life is pretty much in shambles, but I have good people around me to pick up the pieces with me. And I’m looking forward to all the memories I know I’m going to be making this year.

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Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:05:22 -0700

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Wed, 05 Sep 2012 17:24:21 -0700

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Wed, 05 Sep 2012 15:46:59 -0700

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Wed, 05 Sep 2012 14:06:31 -0700

october-spice: Not even gonna lie, I just bought six of these...

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 12:32:16 -0700

october-spice:

Not even gonna lie, I just bought six of these like an hour ago. I’m starting to stock up!

Pumpkin cupcake will be mine!!!

That awkward moment when your best friend from elemetary school is now a filthy whore.

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 10:54:09 -0700

carolinatarheelstate:

and kristen stewart is the gif irony

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Wed, 05 Sep 2012 09:14:18 -0700

genericfeelings: dead

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 07:37:12 -0700

genericfeelings:

dead

ireallylikegaryoldman: You know what this adultery needs?...

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 22:18:27 -0700

ireallylikegaryoldman:

You know what this adultery needs? SANDWICHES.

carolinatarheelstate: forever

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 20:42:41 -0700

carolinatarheelstate:

~~forever~~

Me when I put on glitter nail polish: Oooh, pretty!

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 19:05:39 -0700

Me when I put on glitter nail polish: Oooh, pretty!
Me when I take off glitter nail polish: WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

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Tue, 04 Sep 2012 17:26:03 -0700

peachy-mist: m-iracolo: boho/pastel!∞ queued! olivia will be...

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 15:47:19 -0700

peachy-mist:

m-iracolo:

boho/pastel!∞

queued! olivia will be back on the 11th so make sure to message her!

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Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:09:15 -0700

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Tue, 04 Sep 2012 12:29:10 -0700

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Tue, 04 Sep 2012 10:49:20 -0700